


Breakeven

by eddiessofa



Series: Lost Years [1]
Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Hurt Locker (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-20
Updated: 2012-10-20
Packaged: 2017-11-16 17:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/541859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddiessofa/pseuds/eddiessofa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint Barton was unmade by the demigod Loki and remade as William James by the U.S. Army.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Somebody that I used to Know

**Author's Note:**

> This plays with the timeline a little bit. I know the Hurt Locker was set for 2004 but for the purpose of the fic, I moved it to modern day. This fic doesn't actually contain a whole lot of C/C yet but the sequel will. This story it more about Clint leaving and the team rebuilding around that.

Prologue

After the battle and after shawarma Clint is debriefed. Agent Hill's voice is clear and calm as she tells him his husband is gone but her hands shake when she gives him the dog tags from Phil's Ranger days. He knows she is watching for a reaction, expects him to loose it. All he can feel is exposed; this should be private, all of this pain and SHIELD is going to judge him for how he acted in the next few minutes. Hill is staring at him like she is expecting an answer.

"How?" It comes out broken and quiet and Clint hates the weakness.

"Loki," her voice has a trace of disgust and he can feel how much she blames him for this. Not as much as he blames himself.

All he wants is out, out of the watchful eyes of people and out of this room where he can't seem to breathe. Before that there will be tests and evals, they need to know his mind is his own. Hill tells him he needs to be at psych by 0800 and until then he can return to his rooms on base. A subtle command to not leave base, that they will be watching him. The thought of going back to a room he shared with Phil brings bile to his mouth. The command to stay is needless; he doesn't, can't go back.

Everything feels gray around the edges; there's so much to get through, so much feeling and Clint has never had to cope alone. There is an ache in his chest, the need to call Phil and tell him everything followed by overwhelming panic because he can't. Phil is gone and its his fault. It's not all his fault; he can rage and hate Loki just as much as himself.

The walk to Tasha's room is over before he realizes he's moved; his body reacting to a need while his mind replays his last conversation with his husband. The words slip-stream and for the life of him he can't remember Phil's last words to him. Clint can't help but feel like those words are important, a clue or maybe a key that will make this make sense, make it better because if anyone could untangle this cluster fuck it would be Phil. And why the fuck can't he remember?

He knocks on Tasha's door and isn't surprised to receive no answer. Furry must have her on some part of the clean up. The agent part of his mind knows that beyond his own own hell the world is in chaos and Tasha is able bodied. Still Clint can't help but be pissed that his only other friend in the world isn't here right now.

Breaking in isn’t even a challenge and it's why Tasha never bothered giving him a key. Clint joked once that she didn't even need to lock it because no one would be stupid enough or suicidal enough to enter her room without her express permission, in writing. Tasha's rooms feel empty and for a moment he panics, thinking maybe he lost her too. For all that he is exhausted, Clint can't sleep. The bed is too big and he can feel the void next to him like a black hole, sucking everything into it. Adrenaline is still pumping through him, his mind caught in a whirlwind of readiness and blackness.

He knows sleep won't come until there is someone to watch or he feels secure but Clint doesn't think that will happen again for a long while. Chances are higher that his next sleep will come on the tails of drugs or booze. Phil would only approve of the first if the drugs were from medical and Clint hated booze as a resort. Each drink reminded him of his asshole father and he doesn't want to disappoint Phil by becoming that shitbag.

Morning comes slowly and Clint still doesn't feel ready to have someone else dig through his mind. He knows there is no way he'll be cleared to leave base. The need to run is a constant thrum in the back of his mind; the want to escape. The base doesn't feel safe and right now running is the only thing he can do but a calm voice in his mind that sounds like Agent Coulson and not Phil is saying, "Wait."

Clint knows that if he leaves now all of SHIELD will hunt him down and Tasha will help. If he waits, he can leave and be gone before anyone has time to notice. He can't stay here and carry on like Phil Coulson never existed and shoot when a new voice in his ear says to fire. Life as a sniper taught him to wait for his moment. Clint walks to the psych office but this time he notices the looks as he walks. Most people just stare a mix of fear, pity and distrust. He was used to fear and even expects distrust but pity is older and something he hasn't seen since childhood.

Pity is the look he got from the police officers who told him about his parent's death, again from countless people after the orphanage. It had been one of the things he loved about the circus, no pity there. It was the look he expected from Phil once he read Clint's file but the look never came, nor did distrust. Phil Coulson decided Clint Barton would be worth it and damn it if he hadn't worked his ass off to be worthy of that faith.

Dr. Windt is head of the SHIELD psychology department and usually only dealt with Clint if he already pissed off everyone else. The fact that the good doctor was sitting on the other side of the table told Clint that Fury was taking this serious, that he was still considered a threat. Clint wasn't sure why they bothered sending him to the eval at all. He and Tasha had been taught to fake out psychologists by shitty childhoods and hard training. He knew the words to say about grief and anger, how to use his real guilt to let the doctor know that he was feeling what was expected.

"Agent Barton, sit," Dr. Windt motioned at the other chair on the opposite side of the table. "So, you want to tell me about the last few days?"

As much as Clint wanted to just report back the facts of the past few days, bleed them of all emotions and keep his thoughts his own, eh doesn't. He resented the fuck out of Fury for making him do this. It'd be more merciful if they just shot him and maybe just didn't deserve that mercy. Still sarcasm was expected out if Clint Barton, a clinical report would be the first serious sign of trouble. Everyone wanted him to be fine, hurting but healing. How could Clint ever be fine again when Phil was gone, when he had been unmade and broken by a demigod? Just like that the darkness and pain of grief reached back out and swallowed him down again.

"Clint?" The doctor's voice brought him back, unsure how long he'd been gone.

The doctor's face was full of concern and he was jotting down notes in a pad. Shit. Clint took a deep breath and pushed. An assassin that couldn't compartmentalize was dead. Right now he had to push past this or he'd never get out.

"I got mind-raped by an alien and my husband died. Any other questions?" Clint's voice was cold but the shock on the doctor's face was better than pity.

It took three weeks for them to let him leave the carrier. It took Clint less then 2 minutes to loose his tail and disappear into a subway. Three random stops later he got off and went to the closest bathroom to dig out his bio tracer. He left the tracer, his bow broken in two pieces and all of his Ids in the trash where he knew they'd find it.

He knows Natasha will see this as him leaving her and be angry but she's an assassin she's lost a lot of people. Whats one more broken boy? Besides she left him first and if she choose SHIELD instead of her best friend then she could fuck off with the rest of them. Clint walks out of the dirty subway bathroom and onto the New York streets. He hails a cab to get him to a parking garage downtown.

Everyone new about Clint's bolt bags, there wasn't much in any of them because it'd been impossible to hide anything from Phil or Tasha. Clint had come up with an easier plan, he followed a few junior agents to theirs.

After three stops he had a car and over 300 grand in cash plus a new ID.

*************************  
1 Week Later

The team came together in pieces, moving apart before it came back together to lock into place. Steve Rogers was on the the road half-way across the country when he got the call about Hawkeye from stark. Fury wanted them to reassemble, at that point it was unknown if Barton was compromised or running away.

Steve got his bike to the closest airport where a Stark jet was waiting and a very nice stewardess assured him that his bike would be in the cargo hold before they took off. The pretty blonde brought him anything he could want before Steve even thought of it and offered to help him with anything else he might need with a wink. Honestly, Steve thought, women today were a bit forward.

By the time they touched down in New York the rest of the team was there but Hawkeye. The driver takes him to Stark tower and he is surprised to be herded into a conference room instead of taken to some shady government facility.

“Captain. Welcome back. While SHIELD is rebuilding, Mr. Stark offered his home,” Fury filled in before he could ask.

Steve shot a look at Stark who looked about to argue before Fury continued.

“Not now Stark. Your bullshit complaints have been noted. When I have time to give a damn I'll let you know. Until then, Cap take a seat.”

Fury motioned at the available spot next to Stark, who was muttering to himself and taping away on a tablet. Steve filled the empty space and clicked a button for a 3d image of Clint to appear in the center of the table.

“As you all know Clint Barton went MIA three days ago. Based on the scene it is our belief this was not a forced act. While it is still unclear if Barton is compromised or just on the run, the WSC and I agree he can no longer be considered an asset. As such I will have people looking into it, as will the WSC. We both agree you all should not be searching.”

The room broke out into angry shouts and protests until Fury held up a hand to continue. “ Should you make contact with Barton or receive any intel on him, tell me. We want to find him before the WSC does. I have convinced them that Barton has most likely suffered some kind of psychotic break and poses no threat to SHIELD or the initiative.”

“Is that what you believe, Sir?” Steve interrupted.

“I don't know what to believe, Cap.”

“So, let me understand this, you called us all together to do nothing? Fury, if you insist on wasting my time I will stop making it. I'm a busy guy.” Stark ranted and Fury broke in.

“Shut it Stark. I brought you all together because the crisis is over and you've just all earned the right to be included in the need to know category.”

“Know what?” Banner asks and Steve had barely noticed him tucked in the back.

“Agent Phil Coulson died for several minutes on the helicarrier and twice more on the operating table at Bethesda. He then went into a coma. Coulson woke two hours ago.”

 

Steve was on his feet and across the room before he had time to think; hitting Fury had felt better than he imagined.

Fury spit blood from a split lip and Steve waited until he had eye contact before he spoke.

“You lie to us again, we walk. As a team. Now take us to Agent Coulson.” He used his Captain voice.

Fury didn't bother with a speech about ends and means because they all knew it, even if Steve disagreed with it. Stark was beside him in the black SUV on the way to the hospital, mumbling about spies and secrets. Dr. Banner was in the back and Steve kept looking back to make sure he stayed the right color; Natasha was in the back with him and Steve needed his super hearing to catch the almost silent curses in Russian.

They are led to a private room off a secure hall. The group let Natasha go in first. Steve used the distraction to pull Stark to the side out of earshot from the rest.

“We're going to look for him right?”

Stark scoffed, “Of course. I have JARVIS running a program through SHIELD's servers now. By the time we are done playing nurse we will know what they know.”

“You really think he just left?” Stark asked and Steve can tell it meant was meant to be sarcastic, meant to belittle Steve for trusting Fury at all.

Still he answered honestly, “It's hard to lose someone you love. For Clint, Coulson was more than his..husband.. he would have been his partner, the person who told him to take the shot, the voice he trusted to make the right calls. To loose all of that at once. Gosh.” Steve trailed off because loosing Bucky had been like loosing a limb, loosing his last connection to his past and that had been hard enough. To wake up and find that he'd lost everyone, everything, Steve could relate to wanting to run away.

Stark got a haunted look for a moment before he shrugged, “we'll find out, now lets go see Agent.”

Steve felt like he had whiplash from the change. It was easy, he thought, to write Stark off as a jerk and forget he'd been through real hardship. Steve figured that was probably how Stark liked it but it must get lonely.

He walked behind Stark into the room to see Agent Coulson laying in a hospital bed covered in tubes. He looked small and fragile, for a moment Steve silently agreed it had been stupid to face Loki alone.

“Agent Coulson, Sir, it's good to see you awake.” Steve smiled.

Coulson blushed and Steve felt his own face heating in sympathy.

“Thank you Captain.”

“Call me Steve.”

Stark's movement caught his eye and Steve noticed he was holding Coulson's chart while he conferred quietly with Dr. Banner.

“Should you be touching that?” Steve asked.

Stark waved him off. Dr. Banner murmured a few more words then smiled. “Agent its good to see you. No offense but hospitals agitate the other guy. I'll see you soon.”

Coulson nodded but Stark started talking before he could speak, “Okay so after you get released which should be in a few weeks. You're coming to the tower. Pep will be thrilled.”

And Steve thought to himself that maybe Stark had more to him then he knew.

***********************************

6 Months Later

Dr. Bruce Banner is used to being invisible, its the other gut that gets all the attention. Maybe that was why he accepted Tony's offer to move into the mansion; Tony sees him and not the monster. It turned out the R&D levels are just as good as promised. Tony was many things but an exaggerator was not one of them apparently.

The whole team was in the mansion now, including Phil Coulson but there was always an empty seat for Hawkeye. Bruce barely knew the guy but the team still felt incomplete even to him, some vital piece missing. They kept going though, each member fond their own space to claim in the tower and niche on the team.

Natasha staked out the rooftop garden when she was actually in the tower. Most of her down time was spent searching for her lost partner. Anytime she was free from SHIELD missions and the world didn't need saving, Natasha was in some hell hole following dead ends. When she was actually here though, she was on the roof sometimes Phil, Tony and Steve joined her to pour over maps. Sometimes she was on the phone speaking in deadly tones and sometimes she was silent, alone and searching the horizon. It took her the longest to join the team bonding activities that Tony kept suggesting but in the end it was poker night that got her.

Thor returned from Asgard after Phil woke up and Hawkeye disappeared. A surprise to everyone was how seriously he was taking Phil's recovery; he was a strong support as the agent worked at regaining what he had lost. Bruce thought he saw guilt in Thor's eyes for what his brother had done. Occasionally the god laughed louder, showed enthusiasm at team bonding experiences no matter what Tony suggested maybe hoping to mend what was broken.

Steve was often in the kitchen, much to Tony's amusement. Steve asserted that cooking was one of the few things that hadn't changed in 70 years and that in his day, he was rained to feed himself; not everyone could have an Army of robots. Bruce thought it might have more to do with making sure all of them got fed. He even caught Steve bringing down food to Tony in the lab, at which Steve blushed and said he can't have Tony passing out from fatigue in the field. Bruce wasn't sure he has ever seen anything as funny as the look on Phil's face the first time Steve made him cookies on his first day in the tower.

Phil moved into the tower almost a month after the others. Bruce wasn't quite sure what to say to someone who had hunted him for years, someone who would of given their life for the cause but instead gave their love. He watched Coulson, not yet Phil, settle into an office Tony had put in on the main living area so he wouldn't be isolated from the team. Tony even decorated it with a prototype shield that Howard made for Cap, which made both men blush. Bruce found out that Phil shared a love of herbal teas and experience handling chaos.

Tony Stark was nothing like Bruce thought he would be or rather he was much more than Bruce thought he would be. Tony was egotistical and inflammatory but he also seemed to really care about the Avengers; he collected them all like strays and gave them a home. Tony was just as brilliant in the lab as Bruce thought he would be, even if Bruce wished Tony would stay in his own lab and stop bringing disorganization into his. Bruce smiled every time Tony talked to his bots like children but hid his smile when Tony bumbled his way through accepting food from Steve. Bruce outright laughed when Tony presented Steve with a red,white and blue shield apron.

What Bruce noticed as he settled into the tower and into his lab was that he wasn't alone anymore. He noticed six people who have lost much grow together. He noticed that he smiled more and that the mother guy wasn't as angry. Bruce Banner moved into the tower the invisible man but becomes an Avenger, one of Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

***************************

1 Year Later

The Avengers did not celebrate like the average person but then most celebrations did not include a god, a billionaire, a national icon or the Hulk. Natasha and Coulson maintained that they could celebrate just fine without ending up in a tabloid or significant property damage. Fury wasn't likely to let them throw a party but he eventually agreed to a camping trip. The trip had been a slight deviation from Thor's original suggestion of a hunting party to drive out beasts from the wild.

Tony tried to point out that their were few beasts left and Coulson pointed out that pictures of the Avengers killing deer would end in a P.R. Nightmare. The trip out to a national park that SHIELD had shut down from anyone not in the initiative was the compromise. Tony still wasn't happy about it but Thor was thrilled, this would be a time to bond as shield-brothers.

The avengers were walking out to the packed van when Steve held open a canvas tote bog.

“All right this is going to be fun. The Fantastic Four has the city and I've cleared this with Fury and Pepper. Hand over your phones, tablets, all of it.”

Thor shrugged, the phone often made annoying noises and texts from Lady Darcy made little sense. Jane was busy for the weekend and should Asgard need them they would hardly use feeble Midgardian communications. Bruce also handed over his phone readily, Natasha glared but gave in.

Coulson sighed but dropped his in the bag and at Natasha's shocked look he said, “Fury already briefed me. Apparently we are celebrating me recovery I need to enjoy it.”

Thor clapped him on the back, “Too true Son of Coul. Oft times you must leave celebrating to talk.”

“I'm sorry but I have a company to run. I can't just be incognito for a week.” Tony whined.

Steve just smiled, “I said I cleared it with Pepper and she told me to remind you that she runs the company.”

“I'm an important man, Steve. I need my phone. It's bad enough that you're dragging us all out to the sticks but it's 2012, we have a/c. I could build you a flying car, would a flying car get me out of this?”

Steve walked up and grabbed Tony's hands, “Please, this is important to me. Just give me the phone.”

“Yeah babe, here.” Steve smiled and leaned down for a brief kiss.

The campsite was large and with five tents set up in a circle around the fire pit.

The day passed with fishing, swimming and hiking. Steve had to take away three tablets from Tony, Thor found fishing easiest to do by hand, where as Coulson apparently enjoyed fly fishing. Bruce and Natasha took a hike while the others went for a swim; water made the other guy nervous and Natasha didn't like getting wet. Thor challenged Tony and Steve to a diving contest which turned into a cannon ball contest that Steve won.

That night they all sat around the fire eating s'mores which Tony insisted was Midgardian custom and if they were doing this then they were doing it right. The customary ghost stories turned into war stories between Steve and Thor. It felt good to speak of fond memories of himself, Sif and the Warriors Three even Loki on occasion.

When the group got silent at the mention of his brother, Steve picked up with a story of the Howling Commandos and Bruce placed a hand of support on his shoulder. Coulson was the first to go in then Tony dragged Steve off, Natasha checked the perimeter before disappearing into her own tent. Thor put out the fire and Bruce cleaned up the bottles scattered around.

Thor was awoke four hours later by rustling and hushed voices; silently he grabbed Mjölnir and walked toward the voices. He stopped at the edge of a small clearing to see Steve and Natasha talking softly.

“You okay?”

“Yes. I'm fine. Just don't need a lot of sleep.”

“Neither do I, not since the serum but if I don't go to bed then Tony won't. You know I found two more tablets in the tent,” Steve laughed.

Natasha didn't answer just stared at the stars, Thor almost walked up but then stove spoke softly.

“We'll find him.”

Natasha nodded and started to leave.

“You're part of the team, so is he when we get him back. You can depend on us, we depend on you.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Steve rubbed his neck, “You're not alone.”

Natasha sighed, “I know.”

“When I lost Bucky the first time I invaded a Hydra base alone to get him back. When he fell off the train, I didn't have time to go get his body and then a few days later I woke up. I'm not going to loose Clint too.”

“Thank you.” She sounded sincere.

“Natasha..”

“I just... I should be out looking for him. Not out here having fun. He always came for me. I can't help think he might be captured.”

“We will find him.”

Thor broke into the clearing, “Friends. Should we start another fire?”

Steve looked up and smiled, “Yeah lets do that.”

Natasha nodded, “I'll gather some wood.”

The next day Bruce found Tony trying to rewire an Ipod to connect to JARVIS. Thor took them hunting which ended with him in a long conversation with a badger. By the time it was time to leave he was trying to convince Tony to let him keep his noble forest friend.

 

*****************************

1 and a half Years Later

Natasha's flight back from Brazil landed at 0130 and she was back at the tower by 2 am. Phil was still in his office typing away when she got in, Natasha figured he had been waiting up for her.

“Hey,” she said as she walked in, she even enjoyed the barely visible jump. It wasn't often she startled Coulson.

“Tasha, any news?”

She didn't want to answer, knew that the disappointment on her face was enough of an answer.

“Sorry. False lead,” she said because Phil still needed to hear it, even if he already knew.

Phil sighed and she noticed, not for the first time, how tired he looked.

“Where could he be? Do you think they're right, that he had some kind of mental break? Thinks he is some old alias or even a different person?”

“Could be.” Because neither wanted to believe Clint would abandon them, no matter what the evidence said.

“I shouldn't have let Fury send me away.” Its not something she had voiced before, fearing Phil would agree. She couldn't risk alienating the only other person she trusted but now she had the team and even if they weren't Clint or Phil, they were earning her trust.

“He must of felt abandoned and you know how much he blamed himself. The whole low self-esteem shit. Thinking I left him alone in the helicarrier with no one at his back when his belly was exposed. I'm sorry.”

Phil looked taken aback by her admission but not angry or judgmental and a small knot of worry in her chest eased.

“Tasha, this wasn't your fault. If anyone is at fault it's Fury or hell Clint. We both know he took out his bio tracer. If he had a break, he did it after running but you aren't to blame. We will find him, we always do.”

“We both know the likely hood of getting back alive if he was taken.” It felt cruel to say but she knew they had to acknowledge it.

Phil tenses and anger flashed across his features in the form of a tiny eye crease; most people would never have seen it at all. “Clint has a way of finding his way back.”

Natasha head the real words, “We will bring him back or bring back a body.” She nodded and walked out.

She was almost to her room when shouting stopped her.

“We have to go get him!”

“Tony, Fury already told us that the President is trying for a diplomatic solution. We can't just send in the Hulk,” Steve shouted back.

“You don't even care. You don't even know they're looking! Some fucking super soldier!” Tony yelled and pushed his way past Natasha.

Steve looked so lost when she got in the room and Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“I don't... a plane went down in Saudi Arabia and the pilot is possibly captured. They lost radio contact but Fury assured me they were working to get the soldier back.”

Natasha scoffed, “Are you really that naïve?”

An hour later Natasha, Steve and Tony were crowded in Phil's office.

“I got the intel reports, they aren't going, we need to move in.”

“Tony, did you steal that from the Marines? You can't do that, its illegal and as an Avenger-” Steve started but Tony interrupted.

“So, it's okay for the government to lie but I'm a terrible guy for finding out,” Tony said and crossed his arms across his chest. “Steve, they aren't going to help him. They aren't looking he's going to die in the sand.”

“You don't know that. Phil back me up,” Steve replied.

“He's right Stark. The Avengers initiative can't be activated for this. It would look bad.”

“By all means lets not look bad,” Tony huffed out.

“Don't do that. You always do that.”

“What do I do, Steven?”

“Make Phil and I out to be the bad guys. Tony, I want to help this pilot but not at the expense of starting a war.”

Natasha caught Tony's eye across the room and the conversation is over in an instant, they will go alone.

“Yeah the ends always justify the means, I never expected that shit from you. I thought you were more then just a trained monkey.”

Steve looked like Tony had struck him.

“You're being hurtful for no reason. Let's just all calm down and discuss it later,” Steve said in his I'm being reasonable voice.

Tony walked out and Natasha followed. As she closed the door she heard Steve ask Coulson if the Marines were really looking.

Three days later Natasha and Tony came back to the mansion tired, bruised and satisfied. She couldn't save Clint right now but she'd been able to save that pilot. Maybe his family would be saved her hell. When they walked through the doors, Phil and Steve were waiting.

“What the hell were you two thinking?” And it was the first time Natasha had ever heard Cap curse.

“We were saving a life. Nothing to concern yourself with,” Tony barked back.

“You just left. We were worried. You could of died. Both of you.”

Natasha didn't bother trying to justify her actions. Tony wasn't as smart or maybe he was just hurt more.

“Worried? Don't you mean scared we'd start a war? Don't pretend this is fear we'd been killed. You just didn't want to go.”

Phil interjected in full Agent Coulson voice, “You both acted like children. You both know better. This stunt could of ruined diplomatic relations between us and several Muslim nations. If you'd been captured, I don;t even know what would of happened. Stark I expected this from but Tasha.”

“Don't make me a hero then be angry when I act like it. If that had been Tony or me, you two would of come. If it had been Clint. What makes that pilots life less?” She asked because she had red in her ledger and this was one of the few missions that hadn't added to it.

“Of course I would have gone! You never asked us to come this time. You just ran off. No back up. Nothing.” And now Natasha heard the worry and fear in Steve's voice. So, apparently did Tony because when he spoke again his voice was softer.

“I didn't think you'd approve. I thought you'd stop me.”

“If I had to choose between the entire US military and you; you would win every time. I would of done it for any of the Avengers but Tony. I would do anything for you. You know that,” Natasha didn't think she had ever heard Steve sound more sincere.

Tony blushed and mumbled an apology into Steve's embrace. When they've left, Phil approached her.

“I can't loose you too Tasha.” and Phil's voice was raw in a way he hadn't been in almost a year.

Guilt started crowding in her chest. “Phil, I had to so this,” she said. She thought of all the mothers, brothers, sisters out there, all the best friends missing someone. She wanted to save all of them, even if it just eased the ache in her own chest.

“I know. Just next time, tell me. I'll do what I can to help you. So, would Steve. Just because Clint is lost doesn't mean you don't have a team.”

Natasha nodded. The past three days had earned Tony a new respect but this made her respect Steve too. She didn't doubt that he'd take on the world for them and Phil had always had her back from day one. Now she had to consider that she had an entire team at her back.

********************************  
2 Years Later

“Agent Coulson, thank you for meeting with me.”

“Ms. Ramirez, please sit. Director Fury has already briefed me that I am to give you anything you need.” Coulson motioned to a chair and she sat.

“He did say he would be speaking with you,” Tammi Ramirez smiled and tired to look non-threatening.

“So, what can I do for you?”

“I need the Avengers to go to Universal Studios.”

“That theme park?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why?”

“It would seem that the public feels the Avengers are a bit blood thirsty.”

Agent Coulson sighed. “And you think going to play with a mouse will help?”

“Oh no. Disney doesn't poll well with the 15-30 year olds. Universal is the theme park for the young adult and they have Super Hero Island. Great photo op.” Ms. Ramirez sounded thrilled.

“Just so I'm sure I understand this correctly, you want me to put Thor, Stark and Dr. Banner on a roller coaster for a photo op?”

“Director Fury mentioned Ms. Widow and of course the Captain would be there too.” Ms. Ramirez smiled again.

Three weeks later the Avengers including Phil were on a private Stark jet to Orlando.

“We should be landing at OIA in 10 minutes. Then we will be taking a helicopter to the park. Lets try not to ruin any child's dreams or Universal's property,” Phil said as the plane prepared for decent.

“Agent is there a reason we have to do this? I'm the owner of a company, I have-”

“Stark,” Phil interrupted. “Save it. If you hadn't told Fox News to fuck themselves up the goat ass, your words. I wouldn't be dealing with this.”

“Hey they were being homophobic assholes and I maintain-”

“Tony. This will be fun. I've never been to a real theme park. I hear the roller coasters here are even better than Coney Island's,” Steve broke in and all the rest of the fight melted out of Tony.

The five Avengers plus their handler tended to turn heads and even if they were all out of costume; they were by far the best dressed tourists in the park. Phil and Tony were in suits, Bruce and Steve were slightly more casual with khakis and button downs. Natasha blended in perfectly and it was all they could do to keep Thor out of battle dress.

They were led into the park via the back entrance at Harry Potter.

“Who is this Dark Lord that we may battle and defeat him. Let us not leave war to children.” Thor boomed out at the end of the Forbidden Journey.

“No, its a story. There is no wizarding world,” Tony said as Natasha sushed him.

“Tony! There are kids here. Don't say that.”

“Are you saying young warrior Harry is a mere fable?” Thor asked loudly.

“Can we discuss this later? The last thing I need P.R. Getting a photo of Stark making muggles cry. Thor lets get you a Butterbeer,” Phil said easing the group towards the Three Broomsticks.

Steve ended up drinking six of them after the others declared them too sweet. Thor had to be physically dragged out of Honeydukes and Zonkos while he praised the great wizarding minds who made the magic treats. Natasha was chosen at Ollivander's for a wand presentation and instead of refusing she purchased her wand. An eyebrow raise silenced everyone but Tony. She informed him of the first five ways she could kill him with the wand off the top of her head.

The group worked their way through to Jurassic Park, Steve marveled while Tony and Bruce discussed the logistics of making it a reality. Tony seemed sure he could secure some mosquitoes. Phil declined to get on any of the water rides at Toon Lagoon and the whole group looked like drowned rats coming off Popeye's barge but they were all laughing.

“You rocked the boat to get me under the falls Rogers! Admit it.” Tony asserted and pointed a finger.

“Maybe your ego just weighed down the boat,” Bruce snarked.

Then they were all laughing again. Phil eve thought he heard Steve whisper to Tony that maybe he just liked they way he looked wet. Tony actually blushed.

Things only went bad when they got to Superhero Island.

“Parker has a ride? Parker?” Tony exclaimed.

“Tony it doesn't matter,” Steve whispered back. “Lower your voice.”

“Easy for you to say, you got a restaurant but freakin' Parker?”

“Peter is a good kid, let it go.” Bruce said, patting him on the back.

“Look Doom has one too,” Natasha said with a smile.

“What is this Isle of Superheros that is tainted thusly with Doom's terror. Come Avengers we will conquer this evil and expel it,” Thor proclaimed before walking briskly toward Doom's Fearfall.

“No, Thor. It's a ride. Admittdly ill named,” Phil said stepping in front of the god. “Let's go ride a coaster.”

As they approached the coaster Tony exclaimed, “Oh this is just bullshit. The X-men get a ride! Fucking Cyclops is in the parade, fucking Summers.”

“Tony, its a glorified tea cups ride.”

“Thank you Natasha,” Steve said rubbing circles into Tony's back.

“Still it'd be nice to have some representation. Bruce got a ride,” Tony muttered.

“Yes, it's just lovely that the most traumatizing event of my life has been turned into an amusement ride for sweaty tourists,” Bruce deadpanned.

“Well, you are all in the parade,” Phil interjected trying to cheer up Tony. “It should be starting soon.”

A few minutes later Steve was the one to complain, “What the heck is their Captain holding my shield looks nothing like that!”

“See.” Tony said with triumph.

The photo op Ms. Ramirez was hoping for would have to wait. Although Phil's favorite photo of the day might have been Natasha staring down the costumed Black Widow.

The team made it through Seuss Landing with out complaints. Thor loved the Cat in the Hat ride, although there was the confusion about traditional Midgardian baby sitters. Tony compared Phil to the fish which made him Thing 2, because the Thing was already taken, to Phil for the rest of the day. At the stop by the Lorax Steve expressed interest in planting more trees, concerned with today's waste and apparent apathy for future generations.

 

Natasha froze when she saw the Grinch but Phil took her arm and led her out toward the back entrance of Universal's other park. Later he informed Steve that she had a tradition with Clint to watch the old animated movie on Christmas. If Tony complained a bit too loudly at the RockIt roller coaster’s poor engineering until she smiled, no one said a word.

There was a small incident at Twister when Thor decided to show everyone what a real act of god was and put the fake twister to shame. Unfortunately lightening wasn't meant to be indoors. Phil complained loudly about Back to the Future being replaced with the Simpsons and Steve agreed that the young children on the show were especially crude.

At the Men in Black ride Natasha wiped the floor with them and set the record high score. Tony asked Phil if Agent Kay was his role model. Bruce, to everyone's surprise, almost went green when he found out the removed Jaws.

“It was a classic ride.”

“I know buddy,” Tony said with sympathy.

“To replace it just to make another entrance to Potter world, which no one will care about in 10 years. Jaws was a theatrical master piece and the ride was iconic. Iconic!”

Phil wisely steered them away from Disaster! Thor rode the Mummy coaster with Steve four times before they moved on and he only tried to save Brendan Fraser the first time.

The visit ended before they got to Shrek and Despicable Me because Phil felt they might damage young minds. Thor hadn't really understood celebrating the villain and he wasn't going to have that fight in front of kids. Universal thanked them for the visit and slipped a nicely worded trespass warning to Phil as they left.  
**********************************

3 Years Later

 

Phil Coulson was normally prepared for everything, every situation, every hypothetical. However the Stark/Rogers wedding was testing him, especially his speech. When Steve had asked him to officiate Phil had been flattered and honored. He'd been putting off writing the speech for awhile now the day was here and he still didn't have the words right.

 

Getting up and giving a speech on forever love wasn't something he was sure he was prepared for or ever would be. It's been three years since Clint was lost and it still hurt. He couldn't believe Clint had missed all of this, that he would miss Tony and Steve marrying or hell Tony settling down.

 

“You should be here,” He muttered to himself.

 

“He should be,” Natasha answered and stepped out of nothing.

 

“Tasha.”

 

“He's not though. And today isn't about you or me or Clint. It's about our two friends who are in love and getting married. Tony had a childhood of everyone looking for someone they lost, he deserves today,” Natasha said in a matter of a fact voice.

 

Phil would think it cruel if he didn't know what it cost her to say it. He also knew she was right. He was happy for Tony and Steve, normally he didn't let any of it get to him. He missed Clint but it was more of an old ache now than a fresh wound.

 

“Of course,” Phil nodded. “You look lovely, Tasha.”

 

“Thank you. We're almost ready to start, are you still working on what to say?”

 

“It's been difficult.”

 

“Phil, I don't think I've ever seen...here, I'll help.”

 

After a few minuter Pepper poked her head in, “Guys we're ready to go.”

 

Phil stood at the end of the aisle with Steve and Tony in front of him. Pepper and Rhodey stood up with Tony, Thor and Natasha stood on the other side of Steve. Bruce decided he would rather not be front and center.

 

“Friends, family, superheros thank you for joining Steve Rogers and Tony Stark to witness a once in a life time event. I've known these two men for three wonderful years. I've seen them fight together and for each other. I've also seen them argue, bend to the point of breaking and then mend, stronger than before. If any two people deserve to find love its you and now that you have, cherish it. Hold fast to each other and I know you will weather any storm.

Phil smiled at Tony and Steve's blush, “Tony and Steve, please face each other.”

“ Tony, are you ready to enter into this marriage with Steve, believing the love you share and your faith in each other will endure all things?”

“I am.” And Phil ignored how choked Tony sounded.

 

“Steve?”

 

“I am.”

 

Phil looked out into the crowd. “We have been called together as witnesses to the happiness that this couple has found together, and to the pledges they will make to each other for the mutual service of their common life.

Do you, representing the [families, friends, community] now offer your blessing and support for this couple, and wish them the best of lives together?

If so, say "WE DO".”

 

A loud chorus of “We Do”s was shouted back at him.

 

“Tony.”

 

Tony cleared his throat, “Steve, I never thought I would find anyone who could love me they way you do or understand me. You lead me into battle and you bring me home. You make sure I eat if I'm in the lab and you give the best -”

 

“Tony!” Steve whispered, blushing.

 

“You give the best support.” The whole room laughed. “I vow to love you until my heart stops and then even after when the arc reactor kicks back on. I will protect you with all that I am and I will let you protect me. I will submit to your better judgment when I'm sick and I will figure out a way to live forever so you never have to be alone again.”

 

Phil couldn't help but smile at the look of love and adoration on Steve's face. Tony was blushing and Phil knew he wasn't the most comfortable with public displays of affection.

 

“Steve,” Phil prompted gently.

 

“Tony, when I first met you I accused you of being nothing more than a man in a suit. The past few years I've had the privilege of getting to know you, I realize I've never been more wrong. You really are a genius, a philanthropist and a billionaire. As long as you limit the playboy to just me than you have me, body and soul for all time. Dr. Erskine told me once that before he fled Germany that he'd been in love with a Jewish woman and she taught him the Hebrew word for forever. It translate to until the history of all worlds is forgotten. I promise to love you, protect you, feed you, male you sleep 4 hours in every 24. I vow to fight beside you and cherish you until the history of all worlds is forgotten.”

 

Phil smirked when Tony started to lean forward for a kiss. “Tony, what token do you give that you will perform your vows?”

 

Tony turned to Pepper and picked up a metal ring.

 

“Steve, this ring is made of vibranium, it's the same metal as the core that powers my heart. I give this to you as a pledge of my constant faith and love.”

 

Phil waited as Tony placed the ring on Steve's finger. “Steve, what token do you give that you will perform your vows?”

 

“Tony, I couldn't create a whole new metal but this ring has been with me a long time. It was my father's and his marriage with my mother was full of love. I kept this ring with me through the transformation, through the war and through the ice. Like me its not flashy and it has wear but its strong and reliable. I give this to you as a pledge of my love and devotion.”

 

When Steve slid the ring on, only Steve and Phil could hear Tony's murmured, “Gold, my favorite.”

 

Phil took a deep breath to speak again.

“Here in the space between you both,  
lies all the future  
of the fragment of the universe  
which is your own.  
May every blessing and grace be yours,  
as your lives are now bound in each other's keeping

Now you will feel not the rain, for each will shelter the other.  
Now you will feel not cold, for each will warm the other.  
Now you will feel not solitude, for each will company other.  
Now you are two persons, but both will lead one life.  
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.”

“Now by the power vested in me by the Stat of New York, I now pronounce you married. Go ahead and kiss.”

Tony and Steve fell into the kiss with a chuckle. The guests let out a loud cheer. Tony pulled back and turned to the crowd, “Reception will be at the tower in 30.”

 

Phil can't help but feel happy for his friends. They both looked so filled and both deserved to have found this. His heart still ached for Clint, for his own happy ending but right now he wanted to get to the reception because Thor would be giving a speech.

 

****************************

 

4 Years Later

Tony Stark was not having a good day, apparently certain parts just weren't made anymore and no amount of money could make them come back into production; even when he tried to buy an old factory and out it back in business. He was on the phone trying to at least get blue prints because somethings weren't online, he'd checked, when Pepper walked in.

“Tony.”

Tony covered the phone, “Hey Pep, just a sec.”

“This is important.”

Tony nodded and turned away before speaking into the phone. -Yes, still here. Well of course I want them. Can you just scan them and e-mail it?-

“Tony.”

He held up a finger to say “One moment” and was Pepper always this dense? He was busy.

-Do I have a fax? No one has a fax.-

“Tony really.”

“Just a sec, Pep I swear.”

-Do you think I called you 'Pep'?- Tony paused. -No, sir. I'm sorry. Can I have a courier pick them up?-

He paused again.

-Awesome, thank you.- Tony hung up the phone.

“Watcha need?” He asked and tried not to sound annoyed at the interruption.

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Yeah, it's Wednesday. Why?” Because didn't Pepper have a day planner for this? He was busy.

“I ask because you tend to forget how long you're down here and -”

Tony waved her off, “Steve makes sure I sleep and eat. No worries.”

Pepper looked nervous. For a moment it looked like she wanted to break up with him. Which was insane because they'd only dated like 2 months four years ago.

“Speaking of Steve, how are you two? Any plans for the weekend?” Again she sounded anxious, the way her voice rose at the end. Tony did not have time for this.

“Think so, Steve said he had a thing planned. I'm going. Why? Do I need to sign some stuff?”

“Don't you think you should know?” Pepper sounded angry now.

“He didn't give me details. Pep, I'm busy. You can harass me later.” Tony scooted her toward the door of the lab and let the door fall shut.

He only got about two more hours of work in before Rhodey tried to video conference him. He flat out denied the request because the messenger just came in with the blue prints and he was pretty sure he could fix things.

It was another hour before he was on the phone again with an old bitch that Steve would probably love and be loved in return.

-I know this is the historic society and your exhibit is not for sale. You told me. I'm asking if I can borrow it.-

Tony looked up as the lab door opened.

-I know that you only loan it out to organizations. I made one just for this. Please?-

Phil walked up to the bench and took a seat next to him. Tony figured it was the only clear spot in the lab, Phil would know something like that. The only spot with out grease, guy probably had dirt radar.

-Thank you so much. You're an angel. I'll send a courier.- Huh. Maybe he should hire a full time courier.

Phil waited until he had hung up and looked at him before he spoke, “You plan to stay in the lab all week?”

“No plans to. Just finishing up somethings,” Tony answered and could this day get weirder?

“Good. So, you kept this weekend free?”

“Umm yeah. I think Steve has some plans.”

“Captain Rogers asked me to put the X-men on stand by for this weekend,” Phil said. He kept looking expectantly, like Tony was missing something.

“Thats good I guess.” Because what did Phil want him to say? Sorry for the inconvenience? He wasn't, they deserved this time off.

“I want you to know that Steve is very excited about this.”

“I know. Can I help you with something?” What the fuck? He knew his husband.

“Just dropped in to make sure you knew about this weekend,” Phil said but this time there was an apology in his voice.

“Thanks,” Tony replied and turned back to his work. Phil was watching out for Steve and he couldn't fault him for it.

After another awkward conversation with Natasha and three stops from the courier, man he had to get one of those, Tony was done.

“Jarvis, could you ask Steve to come down here?”

“Yes, sir.”

Three minutes later Steve walked into the workshop. Tony was still a little amazed that he got to kiss and touch all that perfection. That someone as sweet and good as Steve loved him.

“Hey, Jarvis said you wanted to see me.”

“Yeah. I know you made plans for this weekend so I thought I could give my gift early. Speaking of, do you know why everyone was down here being weird about this weekend?”

Steve actually blushed and rubbed his neck, “ Yeah Pepper and everyone were worried you'd forget. I'm sorry.”

“Our anniversary? Never,” Tony laughed because it was something he'd do but this was important and he wanted to celebrate it as much as Steve.

“I knew you wouldn't. They didn't mean to offend you, they were trying to help.”

Tony nodded. He knew that and he also had missed too many important things working in his lab to really take offense.

“I want you to know I restored this myself using ancient blue prints because people in the 30's didn't have the internet and no one bothered scanning them.”

Tony walked Steve over to his bench where the gift was hidden under a blanket.

“Sorry, no bow and it was hard to wrap.”

Steve smiled, “I'm sure its real swell.”

Tony watched as Steve removed the blanket and revealed the old projector.

“I restored it and I got some films from the 30s. I can't keep all of them but the New York historical Film Society was kind enough to loan the Maria Stark Film Appreciation Society City Lights and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington but we totally get to keep The Wizard of Oz, King Kong, Gone with the Wind, and Frankenstein. I know you think everything had better character on 35mm.

Steve smiled impossibly wider, “Tony, this is. Wow, I love it. I spent a summer working at a theater and we had a projector just like this one.”

“You actually had that one. I remember you telling me about it, you looked so happy. I wanted to get you some tech that you were comfortable with.”

Steve leaned over and kissed him. It was chaste but Tony could feel his excitement.

“I love it. And despite your sarcasm, it does look better.”

Tony laughed and pulled Steve in for another kiss.

Three days later they were both in a helicopter and Steve refused to tell him where they were going. Tony was not begging or whining. He wasn't.

“Are you sure we aren't lost?”

“I'm sure. I've even got my GPS.”

“Because so far it looks like forest. Did you get me a forest? What am I going to do with a forest? Not that I don't love it, I do. I'm just not an avid hiker really. I could learn though. For you.”

“Tony.” Steve interjected. “I did not buy you a forest.”

“Oh thank God.” And just to make sure he didn't offend, “Not that I wouldn't love your gift.”

Steve looked at him with an arched eyebrow.

“I would!” Tony defended.

“I'm sure,” Steve said but it was all love and play sounding.

Tony didn't get a chance to reply because the helicopter was made it's decent. It landed in a clearing with a small log cabin and a larger metal structure behind it.

“You rented us a cabin?” Tony asked.

Steve flushed, “Kind of, come inside. I'll explain.”

Tony followed him into a barely furnished cabin. He was a bit confused but he was sure Steve was going somewhere with it or maybe it looked better online, Steve still wasn't great with Google.

“So, I hope you're not mad because I don't think I've ever spent this much money. But this is ours. I didn't decorate it because I wanted your input. The tower is Stark Industries, the mansion is for the Avengers and your Malibu house has a lot of bad memories but this is for us. I cleared it with Phil and Pepper and we have every third weekend of the month off, to come here. I built it, for us. There is a workshop and studio in the back.”

Steve looked so unsure and Tony practically tackled him.

 

“It's perfect. I can't believe you built me a house.”


	2. Out of Range

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This starts a few months before the end of chapter 1 set from Clint's POV.
> 
> This is a fast post and I'm moving. I'll do an edit after I'm settled.

Clint Barton was unmade by the demigod Loki and remade as William James by the U.S. Army. After finding out about Phil and a month of psych evals, he left. He took a fake ID and stumbled into a recruitment office with Phil's Ranger tags weighing in his pocket. Now four and half years later he was on his first actual tour in Iraq. He'd already been a Ranger and settled into being EOD, Explosive Ordnance Disposal, the life of Hawkeye felt like it happened to someone else entirely.

William James was one of the best bomb techs in the Army, but all of his CO's would tell you he was a cowboy and reckless. His teammates would tell you he was an ass, but had your back when shit went down. The last of his unit had gone back Stateside and Will went on to replace a fallen Staff Sergeant. For all of his rounds in the desert this would be his first trip to Iraq. The transport landed and he was shown his room.

He wasn't even all the way moved in when his teammate showed up. The man was clearly still shaken by the loss of his team leader and Will had no desire to have a heart to heart. Their job was dangerous and everyone who put on the suit knew that. The soldier introduced himself as JT Sanborn and helped him remove the plywood from the windows. When Sanborn had mentioned it was there for safety Will chuckled, what the fuck was a piece of wood going to do against a mortar?

As soon as conversation ceased Will turned the music back up and Sanborn left without another word. The music was loud and angry leaving Will no room for his own thoughts, just the way he liked it. His mind was full up on previous missions, protocols to ignore and a past that he refused to remember. When he stumbled through basic he was numb with grief and desperate to escape. The only thing that was worse than fumbling a shot was the idea of sitting in a nest without Phil in his ear to telling him when to shoot. His marks were better than average but nothing extraordinary; nothing to draw attention, just enough to qualify for Ranger school.

Ranger school remade anything basic hadn't had the time or challenge to and he graduated school into William James; more his cover ID than anything left of Clint Barton. The first year of being a Ranger was great but as his unit solidified, it became a family which was not something he was looking for. When people got close they asked questions and Will didn't have answers. He couldn't be on a team with men ready to die for him when he didn't give a shit about living. He may have lost respect for his own life but he wouldn't endanger his unit. The EOD units were smaller, broke apart more often and half the Army thought they were insane. It seemed like a perfect fit.

Will moved EOD units faster than rank, each time a tribute to his reckless behavior and shitty attitude. William James didn't have a need for friends and didn't give a fuck about dumbass rules. No one could deny he was good and he knew when to shut up and kiss ass. Bases out in the middle of nowhere couldn't afford to lose a good bomb tech but main ones wouldn't put up with his antics. So if upper brass was around he used the bot and followed protocol; he saved the day if he could and made everyone look great. CNN reports of "no lives lost" and "bomb dismantled" looked better than an explosion and falling buildings.

Still his transfers got further and further out, which is how he ended up at Camp Victory - the ass end of Iraq - with a little more than a month of rotation left. The Army was stretched thin and EOD personnel were of fewer numbers still. There was a saying that you knew how good a tech was by how many fingers he had. Will still had all ten and most people just assumed it meant he was new. He could tell Sanborn thought that as well.

He would just have to make sure to prove his skill. He needed his men to know that he had this; that they could trust him, should follow him without question. Mistakes in this squad led to death in the blink of an eye, the EOD lost the most people on routine training shit when everyone thought they were safe. Still, trust was something earned and most units did it over months, some even years. Will didn't have that kind of time.  
He didn't have to wait long for his chance. The next day the squad was called out for a report of wires sticking out of rubble. Sgt. Sanborn and Specialist Eldridge were already by the Humvee when Will got out there. He and Eldridge exchanged a quick greeting before heading out. The drive wasn't long and Eldridge spent the majority of it talking about their inevitable deaths, clearly shaken from the loss of his former team leader and not holding up as well as Sanborn.

They pulled up to an empty street and rechecked the coordinates, then fanned out to look for the other soldiers. Eldridge and Sanborn found an empty Humvee and Will finally spotted a little American flag waving from a nearby alcove.  
As Will approached, the team leader stepped forward and spoke, "My contact called me about this, said there is some wire sticking out of some garbage."

"Don't tell me the bomb is in there with you guys," Will said around a cigarette.

The leader shook his head. "Three blocks up," the man motioned as he spoke.

Will nodded and turned to the direction indicated, the group moved to follow.

"Stay here until we know what we're looking for. Take cover." The last thing he needed was an entire squad blown up on his first day. When Sanborn and Eldridge caught up he was already walking back to get the suit on. Sanborn was on about using the bot, but fuck it. What the fuck was the point if they were going to use a bot? It couldn't dismantle a bomb and the camera wouldn't give them the whole scene. The bot missed shit.

Will suited up and headed toward the site with the sounds of Sanborn's complaints echoing through the comms. He could hear the doubt and mistrust. Sanborn didn't have the good sense to close the comm line before saying Will would kill them. His men always returned home, so fuck him. When he was clear enough, Will threw down a smoke bomb, no need to get sniped. Sanborn was frantic in his ear, yelling about line of sight and telling Eldridge to get up top. Will needed to prove he could do this, that he wasn't going to get them killed. 

Will was walking through an intersection when a taxi broke through the Army perimeter. His side-arm was out and the shot lined up before he ever really registered the threat. 

"Back up!"

The driver stared. For a moment Will thought the whole call out had been a trap. The taxi could blow any second and the thought intensified as terse commands to back up did nothing. tThe driver didn't even flinch when Will shot out the windshield or when he fired a warning shot less than an inch from his head. Slowly Will walked to the driver's side window and shot it out, moved the still hot muzzle to the driver's head.

"Back up," Will stated calmly, pressing the gun into the man's temple.

The driver sat for a few seconds before abruptly driving back. As soon as he got within grabbing distance of the Army perimeter they descended and pulled him from the vehicle. Will kept moving, Sanborn was still in his ear but he ignored the distraction. The other men needed to learn to just shut up and let him do his job. He located the pile of ruble and disarmed the bomb with no problem.

"All clear, bomb is disarmed,” Will said into the radio. Just as Sanborn acknowledged, he noticed more wire. Pulling he located another cluster of IEDs.

"Secondary device. Stand-by." 

He started with the next one and picked up speed when he heard footsteps. This was what he lived for, the sweet rush of adrenaline and the only thing that mattered was cutting the right wire, everything else faded away and it was just quiet in his head. The cluster was mostly disarmed when an Arab man ran just out of his line of sight and Will heard something drop. He followed the last of the wires from the bundle into a small alley where it ended in two exposed frayed tips. On his way back to Eldridge and Sanborn, he picked up the battery the man dropped, clearly the crude detonator for the IEDs.

*******

Will got back to the humvee and Eldridge helped him get the suit off.  
“Not bad for out first time working together.” Will said easy and happy because hell yeah he diffused a bomb like it was nothing.

“No, see working together is me talking to you and you responding,” Sanborn gritted out, clearly pissed.

“Awww is this a date Sanborn?” Will fired back, all false bravado.

“No, it's a mission and my job is to keep you safe so we can keep going on missions,” Sanborn replied.

“It's combat buddy,” Will said with a smile around a lit cigarette.

Sanborn was silent for the ride home but caught up with him in the bathroom while Will brushed his teeth. Sanborn looked him in the eye in the mirror before speaking.

“Today wasn't cool man.”

Will smirked. “You'll get the hang of it.”

Sanborn looked at him directly, his eyes flicked down and Will wished he was wearing more than a tank and some briefs if they were going to fight.

Instead of stepping up, Sanborn commented on his tattoo in a bored voice, “You were a Ranger?”

“Yea?” Will didn't know where this was going.

“I spent seven years in intelligence before coming to EOD. We ran missions through the worst shitholes you can imagine... So I'm pretty sure I can figure out a redneck piece of trailer trash like you.”

Will tensed for a moment; kicking Sanborn's ass wouldn't prove shit. People had called him worse and he replied with a flippant, “sounds like you're on the right track.”

The comment still stung and Will walked back to his room drowned in memories of vicious taunts from another life. People calling him a freak, a hick, a traitor; he fell into bed and tried to forget.

The next day they were called out for a possible bomb at the UN building. When the squad pulled up to the scene, Army personnel were still trying to evacuate the area. An Arab man, clearly Iraqi police approached Will as he got out of the vehicle.

“Where is it?” Will asked.

“Behind the wall.”

“How do you know it's a bomb?” Cause no way someone could lay out a roadside IED here.

“The car has been parked illegally. The suspension is sagging. There's definitely something heavy in the trunk,” the officer replied.

“Did you look?” Will hid a smile at the incredulous look he received. Sometimes you have to make your own fun.

“You want me to look?” The guy sounded scared out of his mind and Will felt a rush knowing he could save this guy, that he wasn't scared.

“Yea just peak inside, tell me what you see.” Will smiled and patted the guy on the back.

“You want me to get close to it?” The man started to curse in Arabic.

Will broke in, “Sorry. No, no, I'll go. It was a joke.” He clapped the man once more on the back before turning to Eldridge and Sanborn to put on the suit.

Will was almost to the white sedan parked in front of the UN building when the car's gas tank suddenly exploded and the whole car burst into flame. The scene erupted in movement and somewhat organized chaos. Sanborn was yelling in the comms while Will and Eldridge went for the fire extinguisher. With it in hand Will went back to the car and worked to quickly put the fire out. Sanborn and the other Army units were shooting at the direction the shot came from.

When Will had the fire out he shouted for Sanborn to get up top for cover. Confident that Sanborn had his back, he went back to the car and tried to get the trunk open. The fire damage and coolant from the extinguisher made it difficult and in the end Will had needed a crow bar to pry it open. Once he had, he let out a litany of curses before starting to remove his gear.  
“What are you doing?” Eldridge shouted.

“There's enough bang in there to send us all to Jesus. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die comfortable. I need my kit and my cans.” Will replied, as he walked up to the wall Eldridge was perched on. Eldridge complied and handed over the tool kit and comm headset.

The rest of the world faded out as he followed the wires from the trunk into the car. Will reported over the comm each time he cleared an area of the car but didn't find the device. He felt mounting frustration but also excitement as the puzzle got more complex, adrenaline kicked up the longer he was out and the more dangerous it became.

Sanborn was shouting in his ear about hurrying up and it was grating on his nerves. The man needed to shut the fuck up, Will didn't give a shit if the evac was done. They weren't leaving until he said so; no way was Will going to let a bomb blow up the UN Building.

Sanborn kept shouting and Will was losing concentration so he tossed his comm out of the vehicle and looked for more wires. He flicked off Eldridge when he relayed Sanborn's command to put the cans back on. He followed wiring into the CD player but removing it only caused the windshield wipers to scrape across, the noise was jarring and harsh.

Will got out of the car, took a few breaths and popped the hood. Fuck he needed to calm down and breathe; his frustration could cost him his men. Will disconnected the wiring to the wipers and got into the driver’s seat. A few moments later he found the dead man's switch. Hell yes!

Will picked back up his cans and said over the comms, “Sanborn, let's get over here.”  
Will was seated in the humvee, enjoying a cigarette when Sanborn approached. He saw the hit coming and let Sanborn have it.

“Never take your headset off again,” Sanborn shouted.

The action brought back so many memories of Phil that it almost overwhelmed him. He spent the entire ride back to base in silence trying to get himself back under control. They returned to base and were unpacking the humvee when Colonel Morris appeared.

“You the guy in the flaming car, Sergeant James?” the Colonel asked.

Will tensed, the Colonel could easily send him to some new hell hole and two days would be a record. “Afternoon, sir. Uh, yes, sir,” he replied, as respectful as possible.

 

“Well, that's just hot shit. You're a wild man, you know that?”

“Uh, yes, sir.” And Will still wasn't sure if this was god or not.

 

“He's a wild man. You know that? I want to shake your hand,” the Colonel said again before reaching out his hand.

“Thank you, sir.” Will accepted and smiled.

 

“Yeah. How many bombs have you disarmed?” The question could be mocking and Will still can't get a read off the man.

 

“Uh, I'm not quite sure.”

“ Segeant?” He replied because they both knew that answer is bullshit.

“Yes, sir.”

“I asked you a question.”

 

“Eight hundred seventy-three, sir.” Will said with confidence, still not sure if the Colonel is going to say he should know better by now than to pull the shit he just did.

 

“Eight hundred and seventy-three. Eight hundred and seventy-three! That's just hot shit. Eight hundred and seventy-three.” He wasn’t expecting the man to sound so impressed.

“Counting today, sir, yes.”

“That's gotta be a record. What's the best way to... go about disarming one of these things?”

 

“The way you don't die, sir.” Will felt confident enough to answer with a quip.

“That's a good one. That's spoken like a wild man. That's good.” The Colonel laughed as he walked away.

******

Two weeks later the unit was en route to base from a training exercise when they happened upon a disabled vehicle. The van appeared to have a flat tire and the men surrounding it were all dressed like locals. Sanborn pulled over and Will called it in; some safety protocols exist for a reason.  
It took only a moment to realize the men were friendlies trying to blend in while stuck in the middle of nowhere. The leader was a commander for a private contracting group and his team had two high ranking hostiles in custody. Will noted with amusement that custody right then meant being held at gunpoint in the sand.

Will was walking back to the Humvee to get a wrench for the tire change when the first man got shot and even though he was too far away for the grenade that was thrown to kill him it did throw him back into the vehicle. Gun out and firing even before he stood, it took him moments to reach his men. Sanborn was unconscious but breathing, and Eldridge had burns on his arms; both would make it as long as they got out of there.

The Humvee blew next and Will drug Sanborn to a protective position behind a nearby hill, then covered Eldridge as he followed. His rifle was almost out of ammo, and Will knew he needed a better gun; the enemy was holed up in a burned out house 200 meters away and his M16 didn't have the accuracy to hit them. Eldridge moaned beside him and Will made his move, crawling on his stomach to the fallen contractors and picking up the sniper rifle he had spotted.

After Will was back in position, rifle set up, he took his aim. The barrage of memories was waiting in the back of his mind, but as he lined up the first shot the rest of the world dropped out of focus. For the first time since boot camp Will didn't pull any shots, and made several that should have been impossible; Sanborn and Eldridge needed him to keep them alive more than he needed his cover. During a pause in the shooting his thoughts crowded him; he found himself wishing for that voice in his ear but the next shot lined up and he exhaled the past.

Will knew help was still a long way out; base wouldn't send anyone until command noticed that the unit had failed to return and it could be six hours or more before help arrived. During the next lull in gun fire, Will checked on his team. Sanborn was still out cold and Eldridge was putting pressure on his teammate's leg wound.

“You ok, Eldridge?”

“The burns hurt. You think J.T.'s gonna be ok?” Eldridge sounded on the verge of panic.

“Yeah, man. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna check the van for med supplies. I need you to cover me, can you do that?” Will tried to keep his voice encouraging and without condescension.

Eldridge picked up the rifle, his hands shook slightly. Will reached out a hand and steadied the barrel.

“You're doin' good, man. Just another day; we're gonna make it back home. You promised me a hardcore ass kicking in Gears of War, right?” Will kept his tone light.

“R-right, man. Fucking desert. It's a giant death trap.” Despite his words, Eldridge sounded more confident.

“You'll be fine, just watch my back.” Will smirked and crawled back down to the van. He heard a few more shots fired, but made it back with a small first aid kit. Eldridge's burns looked painful, and he knew that they needed to be cleaned and dressed before infection set in.

Sanborn had a small cut on his forehead in addition to the larger leg wound. As far as Will could tell there was no arterial bleeding but the makeshift bandage Eldridge had been using hadn't had enough pressure and already Will saw the blood seeping through. It took a few minutes to get the wound cleaned and re-dressed but Will was pleased to note that it looked better than he thought, not as deep.

Will crawled back over to Eldridge with the first aid kit when a shot got fired a little too close for comfort and Eldridge dropped the rifle in surprise. Will quickly shoved the first aid kit at him, issued a command to see to his wounds and took over the rifle. He picked off the three remaining men and tracked a forth that almost made it behind them.

Will had no memory of the next several hours; he was in the zone, holding his position and waiting for threats. He didn't hear Eldridge speak, he barely acknowledged when Sanborn woke up. He knew that there was another man out there, waiting for him to let his guard drop. Will also knew, in the back of his mind, that he could wait longer; so he sat and waited for the other sniper to make a mistake.

The arrival of a second Humvee moved the other sniper and Will took a shot he knew should have been impossible; a shot he knew he would've taken hours ago if he'd had a bow. The second unit rushed to Sanborn and Eldridge and left Will to walk to the humvee on his own after his assurances that he was fine.

The ride back was filled with congratulations on his shooting and a quick thank you from Sanborn. Will informed both of his men to report back to his room as soon as they cleared medical. After today he had memories to forget and he knew the only way he was going to sleep was with booze. The humvee pulled into base and Will went to his CO's office. The man couldn't be happier to finally have a debrief that didn't involve yelling at Will for something. Will didn’t really listen to what his CO said, didn’t acknowledge talk of medals; he had heard that talk before and nothing ever came of it.

His room was dark and empty when he finally got to it. Will walked to his dresser and pulled out the bottle of tequila that was stored there. Clint Barton's daddy had been a mean drunk so Clint had always avoided the stuff altogether. William James couldn't think of a better way to wash down the bitter memories of today than getting black out smashed.

Will was on his third beer when Sanborn and Eldridge showed up. Both men looked tired and sore but cleaned up, Will offered both a drink without a word. The more he drank the more it bothered him that Sanborn had hit him after the car bomb. He'd been doing his job, defusing a bomb and Sanborn bitching in his ear hadn't been helping; taking out the earpiece had been a logical step. Anger at the insubordination was easier to focus on than anything else he was feeling.

Will swallowed the last of his beer and stood, he pointed a finger at Sanborn, “You owe me a hit.”

Sanborn grinned and Will could tell he needed the show of aggression. All the pent up fear of death followed by the joy of not doing so needed an outlet. Will was more than willing to offer a drunken brawl.

“Alright James,” Sanborn said as he stood. “Hit me.”

Will took a gut punch because he didn't want to leave any marks and he knew they hurt like hell. Sanborn doubled over when the hit connected and Will couldn't keep back the snark about not hitting a commanding officer. The brawl spiraled into a wrestling match that Will won and he had Sanborn on the ground, knees pining his shoulders.

Dominance and brawl resolved, all three went back to drinking and trading stories. Sanborn was in the middle of a story about a ski trip and a Jacuzzi when Eldridge pulled out a box from under Will's bed. The box was green and filled with scraps.

“Check it out, Will has possessions. We were worried man. There are bunks in basic with better decorations than this room,” Eldridge joked.

Will smiled. Sanborn and Eldridge dug through the box, pulling out wires and det caps.

“You have a box of components,” Sanborn stated.

“Is anyone else not shocked that Will has shit to make a bomb under his bed?” Eldridge smiled and clapped Will's back, “Always knew you'd go dark.”

Will lit a cigarette and picked up the dead man's switch, “This was the switch from the UN building sedan.”

“You have a box of shit that can kill you under your bed. Man. I'm not gonna even touch how crazy that is,” Eldridge commented.

“Almost. Shit that almost killed me.”

Eldridge pulled out a silver band on a chain. “Someone married your crazy ass?”

Before Will can answer, Sanborn pulled out a picture of a brunette girl about 4 years old.

“Wait, wait, someone had a kid with you?” Sanborn sounded amazed.

The ring on Will's hand is gold and plain; the one from the box is titanium, light and indestructible.

“Why do you have one on your hand and one in the box?”

“Like I said, things that almost killed me. Jen and I met after I was in the Army, she hasn't gotten tired of me yet.”

“And the first one?” Sanborn asked.

“Different life, man.” Will said it easy, like memories weren't choking him. He barely resisted the urge to snatch the ring and the picture.

“So, the kid with your first or second?”

“Second.” Will answered because the story is complicated.

Will met Brandi in basic and after was in her platoon. They were assigned to be Battle Buddies and Will did everything he could to keep her safe. The repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell didn't mean gays stopped being assholes and Brandi was out. Will didn't identify as anything because he wasn't looking for anyone; Brandi earned his respect by never asking.

Brandi was out in town at a bar when the fight happened. Will had stayed behind because drinking still wasn't his scene and he had Clint fresh in the back of his mind. He found out two hours too late to stop the knife that killed her.

Will made a promise to her and himself when he carried her casket that he would dedicate himself to this new life, that he would save everyone he could. He promised to let go of who he used to be so that he could become William James completely. He was making promises to a headstone when he met Jen.

“Did you know her well?” A soft voice asked from behind him. When Will turned he saw a pale woman with blonde hair and a swollen belly. She looked ready to pop any minute.

“She was my Battle Buddy,” Will said in a choked whisper.

“You're Will, right?” She asked as she stepped up beside him.

“Yes ma'am. Are you- are you Jen?”

She nodded.

“Brandi showed me a picture but you were less,” Will trailed off and motioned at her belly.

“She described you pretty well on her calls home.”

“I'm sorry. I should have gone with her. Protected her.” Will responded with sincerity.

“No, the asshole in the bar's mother should have had an abortion,” Jen bit out and right then Will decided he liked her.

“You want to grab a coffee?”

After coffee Will gave Jen his military address in case she needed anything. He was surprised at the care package two weeks later, as well as the contents of the letter. The Army was denying her death benefits and health care for prenatal care for the baby. That was just bullshit. Social injustice pissed him off, even more because the military repealed DODT but didn't give out rights. It was half-assed.

Will couldn't bring back Brandi, he couldn't fix the US Army but he could help Jen and the baby. He told Jen in his letter back that he was gay, that he'd lost someone too; told her to use the money in an account he had set up to help with anything she needed.

Over the next few months they sent letters back and forth. Jen wasn't quite as ready to pop as Will had thought. He even got leave to go back and hold her hand when the doctor was ready to induce. He sat in the hospital and told Jen who he was, about broken hearts and wings. He asked if she would help him with his cover, military guys always wanted to hear about the girl back home. No one would question his cover ID with a real wife and kid. He knew the look in Jen's eyes, knew there would never be another great love for her.

Jen had smiled and took his hand. They couldn't offer the world much more but they could give the baby girl in her arms the world and a home. They'd gotten married by a Justice of the Peace and Will had filled out all the proper forms. Now he had a place to go on leave, letters to look forward and a name to put on the line for his beneficiary.

Will grabbed the photo back from Sanborn. “We done with share time?”

Eldridge barked out a laugh and opened a new bottle.

***************************

Three months after the incident in the desert with the sniper Will was standing on the side of a stage waiting to be presented with the Silver Star. He wasn't sure who was more excited his CO or Sanborn; his CO was just thrilled he wasn't in trouble and Sanborn had been talking his ear off about honor for the past week.

“Why the fuck are you so excited? You're not getting a medal.”Will asked because Sanborn was vibrating next to him.

“Yeah but Captain America is presenting it. Fucking Captain America! Normally I'd say it was a waste because you're ass don't deserve it but you're gonna introduce me right?”

“Captain America?” Will whispered.

“Don't you read your e-mail?” Sanborn asked turning to Will, “Dude you okay?”

Will shook it off, he didn't have time to freak because Sanborn was pushing him to the stairs and the ceremony started. Will made it on stage before they announced the presenter and then Captain America was on stage. Will was fighting not to panic to not just leave. By the time Cap was done with his speech, Clint Barton was having a hard time keeping control.

“Sergeant First Class William James.”

Clint walked forward and Cap just stated, almost dropped the medal in his hand.

“Clint?”

“No sir. William James.” He said it even though the words choked and Cap looked so confused. It took a moment but he breathes deep, straightened and smiled before presenting Clint with the medal. Cap shook his hand for a photo and when the ceremony was over he clapped a hand on his shoulder and whispered, “Walk.”

They didn’t even make it to the end of the stairs before Sanborn stopped them.

“Captain, it's an honor to meet you. I'm Sergeant Sanborn. I'm in James' unit.”

“That so? Well thank you for your service son.” And Clint watched Cap smile and shake Sanborn's hand but the one on his own shoulder never moved. Sanborn actually blushed and Clint almost rolled his eyes.

“Y-You're welcome, Captain. Sir.”

“I hate to leave but I need your team leader here. We have to talk,” Cap's voice was tight with emotion.

“James, you already pissed off Captain America? Man.. what did I say? Captain, sir, I'm sorry. He's not good with people but I swear he's a good soldier.”

Clint warmed that Sanborn defended him. Cap”s grip went tighter and he almost let out a whine of pain.

“I know Sergeant Sanborn and I promise I don't have any plans on injuring a fellow soldier,” Cap said in his 'trust me' voice.

Sanborn nodded and then Cap pushed Clint into a room off to the side.

“Do you want to tell me what's going on?” Cap sounded so reasonable.

Clint had no idea what to say. “I got a medal, you presented it.”

“What? No...not the medal. Clint, are you okay? Where have you been?”

“I've been here, in the Army. Well not here in Iraq is actually a bit new,” Clint rambled because Cap looked like he his expected something and he didn't know what it was.

“We thought you were dead. We looked for you. I thought I lost another soldier.” Cap said it quietly but with so much emotion Clint felt ashamed.

“Cap.. I..I didn't mean to make you guys worry. I was just messed up. You know? After losing..and I'm sorry.” Clint said, head hung. Because he'd been selfish but he hadn't thought the team would care about someone they'd only known a few days. Really just a few hours and that had been in battle. He'd known Tasha would care but she was an assassin, she always knew she would die.

“Sorry? I'm going to need more that that Clint. What happened? Why did you leave?”

“After Phil, I just. I felt like I died and I didn't know how to be Clint Barton anymore. I couldn't go back to SHIELD with a new handler and pretend it was okay. Loki ripped me apart and then Fury sent Tasha away. I just felt out of place and in pieces; I just couldn't deal.”

“After Phil?” Cap asked, confusion evident in his voice. “We were... we were married.” Clint got it out but his voice broke.

“I know that. What doesn't... how could you leave? I know Loki messed you up but Phil needed you, loves you.” Cap sounded exasperated, like Clint was the one not making sense.

“Why would he need me?” “He had to recover and then he and Natasha looked everywhere for you. They still do whenever they can.”

“He's..he's alive?” Clint asked but didn't understand.

“Of course. Fury told us all a lie before the battle but after then he took us to see him. He was in a coma.”

“What?” “Fury must of told you. I mean you're his husband.”

“Hill gave me his ring and his Ranger tags.” Clint couldn't think. Cap wouldn't lie, Clint didn't think he was capable of doing so. Could Phil be alive? Okay?

“They did what?” And Cap sounded out raged for him.

“Hill sat me down and told me Phil was dead. I got all the death benefits, I didn't get any of our stuff though. They had me on lock down. But let me out a few times after a few weeks. One day I just left and joined the Army. I couldn't be SHIELD but I knew Phil would never want me to waste my skills.” Clint said because it was the truth and he didn't have another explanation.

“Wow, thats - thats rough.”

“Is Phil okay? Is he here with you?” Clint tried not to be too excited. Phil was alive and he could be close. This was everything he'd hoped for since Hill told him. Now Captain freaking America was telling him his husband was alive, that he was okay.

Cap shook his head, “No, the rest of the team had to stay Stateside. The X-Men are out of town.”

“Can I call him. I just. It's not that I don't believe you.. I just.” Clint looked hopefully at him.

Cap smiled and waved his hand. Clint noticed a band there for the first time. “I understand.”

“You married, Cap?” Cap blushed and looked at his feet. “Tony and I had a ceremony when New York legalized it. Kept it quiet for obvious reasons.”

“Congrats man but Stark?” because last Clint knew they had hated each other.

“Tony grows on you, even Phil was supportive, he officiated.” Cap smiled as he said it.

“So can I use your phone?” Clint didn’t want to be a dick but he wanted to call his husband.

“Yeah here.” Cap fumbled for his phone and then pulled out the latest Stark tech.

Of course Captain America's contact list had everyone's real name, not funny nicknames or codes. Clint stopped at Phil Coulson and rubbed his thumb across the name. Part of him was still scared the line would be disconnected when he called or that the phone will ring to a cell connected to a bomb and he will wake with the smell of burning in his mind. Instead the line rang twice and then Phil picked up, “Steve, everything okay?” Clint didn't respond, couldn't believe the voice in his ear.

“Captain, is there a problem?” And Clint could hear the change from Phil into Agent Coulson; could hear Tony scramble in the background, hear him ask if Steve was okay.

“No problems sir. Everything is secure.” Because Clint's mouth knew the answer to that question even if his mind was reeling. Phil was alive, 3,000 miles away but alive.

“Who is this?” Agent Coulson sounded calm and emotionless which Clint knew to be the last sound most people heard out of Agent Coulson.

“Phil. It's me.” Because everything else he wanted to say would have to wait until Phil believed those words.

“Please put the Captain on the phone.” Phil's voice was still all Agent Coulson and it hurt more than Clint thought it would.

“Yeah. Here.” Clint handed the cell to Steve and tried not to curl in on himself.

This was all so much. He heard Phil, he was alive and holy fuck he'd wasted four fucking years in the desert or jungles when Phil had needed him. Clint pressed the heel of his hand to his temple in an attempt to stave off the headache. His fingers ached for the comfort of his bow and that was something he hadn't done in a long time.

Steve was still on the phone but Clint wasn't listening. How could Phil just ask for Steve? What if he moved on? Found someone else? Phil was always way too good for him, what if he remarried? Oh God what about Jen and Lizzie? What was he going to tell them? Clint wanted to be up high, somewhere he could arrange his thoughts, make a plan, fall apart if he needed to.

“A SHIELD team will be here in 12 hours. They are going to do a full medical screening and probably some psych evaluations,” Steve's voice cut through his racing thoughts.

“Then what?” Because Clint wasn't really sure what is going to happen next, for all he knew he was going to prison.

“Well, once you've been cleared we are bringing you home. Phil wants it all done by the book so they're staying in New York but I'm staying here.”

“Am I going to prison or some SHIELD sanctioned hole in the ground?” Clint hated to ask but he needed to know.

“What? No!” Steve sounded horrified. “Fury has to make sure you're not compromised then you're coming to the team, to the Avengers. Phil wouldn’t send you to prison.”

Clint let out the breath he was holding. “I still have two weeks left of active duty. I guess Sanborn can take over the unit but he doesn't want it and Eldridge is falling apart. Fuck he shouldn't even be on the team. How are they planning on extracting me?”

“Fury is calling base now. I'm to take you to a safe house in Bahrain.” Steve was all authority now that he had orders to follow.

“Steve, you can't let SHIELD report me as dead unless you tell me first. I have yo call Jen. Shit.” Because how the hell was he going to tell her his lover came back when Brandi hadn't?

“Jen?” Steve sounded confused.

“My wife.” At Steve's vaguely hurt face, Clint continued. “It's not like that. We met just after basic training. She-she was married to my battle buddy, Brandi. Brandi died, some fucking homophobic asshole at a bar and Jen was pregnant. I wanted to help, we both lost our – our everything. And God Steve, you should meet Lizzie, out daughter. Best human on the planet.”

Steve had a soft smile on his face and held out his phone. “You should call her before SHIELD does something insane.”

“Yeah, you're right.” The phone rang twice before Jen picked up. -Hello?- Clint almost sighed in relief, she didn't sound upset.

-Jen, it's me.-

-Where'd you get a civilian phone? Is everything okay?-

Steve turned away to give the illusion of privacy but Clint knew that he could whisper and Steve would still hear it all

. -They found me. I'm not sure what they will tell the Army or whats going to happen but I'm okay. I'm with Captain America. So, no matter what the Army tells you, don't believe it.-

-Oh my God, Will are you sure you're okay?-

-I promise. I didn't want you to worry.-

-Let me talk to the Captain.- She sounded so firm, Clint had to smile. Steve was already turned and reaching for the phone even as Clint protested.

Clint couldn't hear what Jen said but Cap gave her his word that no harm would come to him. Steve handed back the phone.

-I have someone who wants to say hi.- Clint smiled when he heard the shuffle on the phone and then a small voice came on.

-Daddy?-

-Hey Lizzie. How's my favorite daughter in the whole wide world?- Clint heard a giggle then,

-I'm your only daughter.-

-Still my favorite though.-

-When are you coming home?-

-Soon baby, soon. How's school?-

-When soon Daddy?-

-Soon, I promise. Tell me about school.-

-Trevor was mean today. He pushed down Stephanie so I pushed him then Ms. Judy put us all in time out.- Clint was proud that his kid stood up for others but he couldn’t encourage violence or so Jen kept telling him.

-Lizzie, its good you wanted to protect your friend but next time tell your teacher.-

-But Daddy! Trevor was mean first! He pushed Stephanie.-

-I know kiddo but you can't push too. Tell Ms. Judy next time.-

-Yes Daddy.- Clint hated that she sounded sad.

-Anything else happen today?-

-Titan tried to run from the house but Mommy stopped him and called him a bad dog.-

Clint laughed. -Is that right? Well let me talk to mom again. I love you Lizzie.-

-Love you too Daddy.-

-Will?-

-Hey,so, I'll call when I get back Stateside. If anyone shows up, call me at this number. Okay?-

-Of course. Are you sure everything is okay?-

-Promise Jen. I'm with Captain freakin' America. Don't worry. Please.-

-I can't lose you too.- Jen said it so quiet and Clint's heart clenched.

-Hey you won't. I gotta go but I'll call you soon. And hey, no more bombs.-

Jen laughed. -Thank God.-

Clint hung up the phone and held it out to Steve.

“We need to pack up your stuff and move out. Fury will be here and its a 12 hr hour drive.”

Before they could move, there was a knock at the door and his CO walked in.

“Captain.” His CO saluted. “I'm Master Sergeant Anderson, sir. Your humvee is gassed up. Do you need a driver?”

“No. Thanks though.” Anderson looked at Will and he felt guilty at the worry in Anderson's eyes. Steve looked between them and sighed, “I'll give you guys a minute. Meet me at your barracks. Hawkeye, it would be a very bad idea to get lost on the way there.”

Clint nodded. “No worries, Cap. Give me 10.”

Steve inclined his head and walked out.

“Shit Will, what the hell did you do? Colonel Reed is in a panic. Some high level brass called and told him that you were to leave with Captain America in a humvee and not ask any questions. Not to expect you back.”

“No worries Anderson. Some shit came up, all classified but I'm not in danger. Just being reassaigned.”

Anderson nodded. “Need anything?”

“No but watch out for Sanborn and Eldridge. Yeah?”

“Can do. Take care of yourself Will.”

“Always do.”

“It's gonna be hard to replace you. You got a hell of a record, hell of a tech.”

“You know you can't replace me.” Clint smirked. Anderson laughed and clapped his back. “Get out of here you little shit.”

******************

After a week of psych evals and medical exams Clint was in an interrogation room. He felt lucky to not be hand cuffed but he figured that was more due to Steve's objections rather than his own. Even though he expected it, the sight of Fury was still a shock. What surprised him more was how angry he was at the other man. As far as Clint was concerned this fucker was the reason he missed out on 4 and a half years with Phil.

Fury walked to the metal table and sat down opposite of Clint. He opened a file folder and looked for all the world to be completely calm. It pissed Clint off, this shouldn't be an interrogation and the bullshit tactics wouldn't work.

“Is there a reason we had to do this here?” Clint asked when Fury wouldn't just fucking talk.

“Is there a reason you joined the mother fucking Army?” Fury shot back.

Clint let an easy smirk out and replied, “Wanted to be all I could be.”

“If you found your previous life lacking, you could've spoke up for a new challenge. We encourage our Agents to seek out new skills. If you wanted to end up blown to pieces I'm sure Stark would have been happy to oblige,” Fury said, voice easy and reasonable.

Clint swallowed anger down at Fury pretending he left for any reason but the lies. “The point is to not blow up.”

“You seem to be pretty good about not blowin' up. What was it now? 870 bombs?”

Clint replied automatically, “889.” Because he was proud of that record.

“So, I got a story for you. Once upon a time I'm having drinks with an old friend and all he can talk about is this hot shot bomb tech who is getting a Silver Star. He even asks if I can send Cap to give the medal, said the kid saved his unit. Then I get a call from Cap saying he found a modern day ghost.”

“Lovely. How does this little fairy tale end?” Clint had to ask because Fury held all the cards here.

“That is still unwritten. Could be the prodigal son comes home, explains what the fuck he was thinking when he went AWOL and joined the Army. Or it could be that he tries to continue in this stupid ass charade and I leave him here to rot.”

“I just found out a week ago I had something to return to.”

“It would seem I owe you an apology, Barton.” Clint looked up and locked eyes with Fury.

“After the invasion and battle we were still unsure as to your status. I couldn't risk giving Loki any sensitive information in the event Thor and company didn't keep him locked up. It was decided that you would be told what was needed and your actions monitored. At such a time that I felt you were clear, you would be briefed on the current situation.”

“What exactly are your trying to say, sir?” His voice was tight and the sir meant asshole.

“Phil Coulson died for 12 seconds before being revived in SHIELD medical.” Fury's voice was a hair softer than normal.

“Why did Phil,” And he choked on his name but started again. “Why did Phil not come see me?” Clint asked because he believed Cap but he wanted to make Fury lay out his cards.

“Agent Coulson was in a coma for almost a months, doctors weren't even sure he would wake up. At the time, we weren't sure if you still reported to Loki. Like I said and Loki wanted to hurt Thor, Phil was a good way to do that.”

Clint pulled all of his anger in before he hit Fury. He wanted to go home and punching the Director wouldn't help. “He was- he is my husband and for all of SHIELD's shit you had no right to pull that.”

“Maybe you're right. I did what was necessary to protect him after you led Loki to us.”

It was a low blow. “Fuck you! You had to fuck around with that damn cube, had to make phase 2 weapons. Selvig told you it was a door and you never considered who would come knocking. Loki ripped apart my mind and then you- you fucking took my heart. The one thing I wouldn't let Loki have.” Clint's voice was full of cold anger.

“So you just fuck off? Let your team, let Romanoff think the worst. That's fucked up.” Fury countered.

“I wasn't that guy anymore. SHILED would never just accept my resignation. And Tasha left me to deal with all of it alone,” Clint didn't add which showed her priorities but Fury probably read it anyway because it was Fury.

“The Avengers were not notified of Agent Coulson's status until after you left. They needed the push. Agent Romanoff was sent out as soon as New York was safe. She was briefed that you had to be tested and that she could not interfere as she had in medical when you first woke. She refused to comply so we found her a mission.”

Clint didn't even know what to feel, old hurt that Tasha left was replaced with shame for not believing in her, for abandoning her. “Where does that leave us, Sir?”

“When I got the call I wasn't sure if I'd find my lost smart ass archer or found a mouthy shit of a bomb tech with no sense of protocol or self preservation. Because sarcastic but smart I can handle but the shit you pull as William James is not SHIELD material. I need to know my people will follow commands and get the job done.” Fury said it like a choice, like Clint could pick who he wanted to be from here forward.

“William James has saved a lot of people, stopped a lot of bombs.” Because he had. As Will, he'd done a fair amount of good, filled an important job that most recruits wouldn't want. For all his smart remarks and ignoring protocol he had saved people.

“William James is an adrenaline junkie who put his unit at risk. Hawkeye took a bullet for his handler and jumped off a building knowing his team would catch him.” Fury pointed out and Clint can't deny it.

The high of his job had kept him feeling something besides grief and made him feel alive. As Will he had a box of things that almost killed him but hadn't As Clint he had a husband at home to remind him what he would give his life for.

“He's alive and I can come back, be an Avenger again?” He asked because its what mattered. Fury just smiled and pushed a recurve bow across the table.


End file.
